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Forming Relationships

Dr. Nicolosi writes, “Homosexual clients report that when they begin to know another man intimately, their sexual interest in him diminishes. It is always, they report, the distant person who is sexually attractive.”

It’s important to note that if the struggler is establishing nonsexual relationships with same-gender peers for the first time, it is likely that some issues will surface that he or she may need some help to process. These could include feelings of jealousy, inferiority, inadequacy, codependency, self-condemnation, and misplaced anger. The homosexual struggler may also have to work at not idolizing his or her same-gender friends; the goal is to relate to members of one’s gender as an equal. This requires the struggler to be assertive and to take risks in the relationship by honestly disclosing his or her feelings and trusting that the person will still be there for them in friendship. According to Dr. Nicolosi, “[The struggler] is challenged to overcome feelings of unworthiness and self-condemnation. Gradually he will learn how to show vulnerability and ask for help, and to be transparent and receptive to the lessons other men can teach him.” (The same could be said for females.)

A struggler’s ability to disclose his or her homosexual problem to his or her same-sex peers is significant because it creates an added intimacy in the relationship, and because it fosters a sense of security: “They know this about me, and they still love me!” It’s also important because it opens the door for the struggler to request further help when needed: “I’m feeling very disconnected today; I think I need a hug.”

Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would (2004) Brazos Press: Grand Rapids, Michigan

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