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Growing Pains II

Many books have been written about the process of overcoming homosexual attractions. Scholars have debated, and scientific papers have been published in major scientific journals. But for me, the start of this process was very simple. I just needed to be loved.

That doesn’t mean that my homosexual desires are completely gone. Just like anyone trying to change some unwanted trait, such as excess body weight, muscular weakness, or poor academic habits, I have my ups and downs. If I do experience homosexual attractions toward another man, it just means I’m not receiving enough of the right kind of love, so I’ll call up a male friend for some verbal affirmation or a hug. I think a misconception many people have about those who have changed from homosexual to heterosexual is that we have one cathartic moment we can point to in which every ounce of homosexual desire was drained from our bodies, never to return again. But change takes time.

An important element to the process of change, as I’ve mentioned, is close, nonsexual relationships with people of one’s own gender. I’ve found, both through my experience and by listening to the stories of others, that anything that creates a sense of disconnection between a child and his or her gender can cause homosexuality. This can manifest itself as rejection, real or perceived, from same-sex parents or peers, or as some form of sexual molestation.

Along these lines, I’ve found that anything that creates a sense of reconciliation between a person and his or her gender can eliminate homosexuality. Two of the most potent ways this can manifest itself is through camaraderie with, and nonsexual touch from, members of one’s gender.

Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would (2004) Brazos Press: Grand Rapids, Michigan

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